Fifth Thought

Someone very special to me in my life, has gone away to college. It has not even been a week yet but I miss him with a force. It was so painful the the first night after he left, I couldn't stop crying. Any time I have a thought to spare, I think of him. I try and think of the good times, and oh how good they were, but I eventually come back to the part where I can't hold him in my arms and the pain is almost debilitating. Like a physical presence that takes root in my heart, rips up through my chest and strangles my neck. I think weird thoughts like does he think of me, does he miss me? Has he forgotten about me in his vastly more interesting and important new life? Then I feel guilty, because I know these thoughts are mostly unfounded. Yes, he has been caught up in the busy of his life as of late, and yeah, he's neglected me some, but he still loves me. While most people have to learn to trust themselves I have to learn not to, because I've been blowing things out of proportion in my head. Really the person who can torture you the worst is yourself. You know all of your own worst fears and can play them out in excruciating detail in your own head. How Ive been surviving, is by distraction, college, hanging out with people, video games, whatever. When I'm alone though, and left with nothing but my own thoughts the pang returns and the best I've been able to do is remember the good times, and hold on to the beautiful hope there will be more of them.