Ninth Thought

Right beyond the twilight lies a knowing smile. It rests upon the cusp of light and dark, hope and despair, it's gleam refracts through chilly air. The Maiden of frost wears her smile in earnest, the blood of the freshly murdered summer still on her hands, red, orange and yellow. She mutes all sounds with her blinding gaze, light reflecting off of icicle irises. She will have her way, blighting the land in a brilliant white, her chaste snow barely covering the death beneath it. She knows her time is little, so she works in haste. She endures the antagonizing yuletide spirit, knowing it will be Venus who ultimately slay her, and then Erin who lays her to rest.

Eigth Thought

Lost. Just a little bit. I walk through the everyday and see the other day within it. The yesterday, the never-to-be-forgotten days. My friend wonders out loud if he should go to chipotle, in an instant I'm sitting in one of their too high chairs talking with you, and hoping to myself the beans in my food don't give me gas. Or the man with a name like a Christmas tree ornament comes on the radio and I'm back in your basement as you romance me to those jazzy tunes. Or someone mentions "Chicago" and I'm in your kitchen looking at your wall mounted tv, or I see the sunset and I'm at bar beach again or i see the sun rise and remember we never got to do that together, and how we talked about it. I'm so fuckig tired of it! I want to move forward, because you're long gone and aren't coming back, and I try and I think I'm getting somewhere when suddenly time bends over and fucks itself and in something so clearly rooted in the present I find a portal directly to the past. It sucks so bad, because I was so sure of myself and I thought I was placing one solid footstep in front of another. I'm even trying to explore a new 0ption but now that things are so topsy turvy I'm afriad I'm going to hurt him by accident. I need to find a trail through this forest of time but all the floor is covered in freezing snow, and I'm knee deep in it getting frostbite.

Seventh Thought

I've been throwing this character around in my head for several years now. I'm just going to say her name is Ariel 2.0. Ariel 2.0 is a mermaid that was a character in a story i wrote for an English class many years ago. Well, a half mermaid to be more precise. She's evolved quite a bit. She was brunette, and now she has dark red hair, almost a maroon. While before she was a Mer-General, now she's a naval mercenary. Her character was previously motivated by duty to her country and to the army she served in, but now she sells her violence to others. Her mother was murdered when she was very young, and in either version of her it makes her inwardly bitter and outwardly cold. In the case of Ariel's newest incarnation, she used the navies she travels with to comb the sea for her mothers killers, in hopes of exacting revenge. However as decades went by without any sucess she used her occupation as a way to let out her frustration and anger. She is eternally displaced. The naval officers who hire her view her as a dangerous investment at best, while the larger human society looks at her as a freak of nature. Merpeople are a relativley unadvanced society, raised outside of it, she is culturally estranged and considered a walking taboo, a child of two races, an abomination. She is well aware that she is unwelcome in her late mothers society, beacuse it was in their great hate of her mothers love for a human (and letting him fertilize her eggs no less) that they killed her many unborn sons and daughters, smashing their fragile fish-eggs. Although her mother escaped with a single egg (Ariel 2.0) she was later killed by her infanticidal kin. Ariel 2.0 clings to the small comfort she gets from being accepted (albiet warily) by the various navies she is mercenary for. When not hiring herself out, she uses the money she earns to invest in a seaside house, and in buying speacialized weapons and armor. Her home is hidden along a rocky shoreline. While she can transform into a human, the red (red not orange) of her hair and the unusal blue of her eyes betray her inhuman heritage, and she lives in this housein seclusion with the exception of the little hired help she has, who a bribed heavily into secrecy, not just with money, but with the many intesting treasures she takes home from her travels.

Sixth Thought

I should have trusted my gut. I was falling out of the loop of his life, because he didn't love me anymore. Que sera, sera. It's been nearly a month, and I can't shake my feelings entirely, the downside of love I guess. If they fall out of it you're left high and dry, facing the biting wind all alone. It's hard to get involved with someone new, when your heart still belongs to another. Can I have a retry? Then maybe I can figure out what I did wrong, what I couldn't offer him, or didn't give.